Not gonna go there ... nope not me

A bit over a year ago for all basic intents I gave up TV. Occasionally I'll watch something with Spouse, Princess, or Chip and once in a while I'll get a Netflix video out (and take two months to actually watch the thing), but generally I don't catch much TV. Yet somehow, even without my vigilance, Anna Nicole Smith managed to have a funeral. Whodathunkit.

Now I pretty much catch all my news from the Internet. In a way it's a bit of a pain and I miss the comic page but I survive. In a way it's kind of nice too - if something doesn't interest me I can look at the next story, if something does interest me I can look up more about it, and there's no wasted paper.

This brings me to the subject of adultery, specifically *me* cheating on Spouse (it follows -- trust me you'll find out later). Now, over the years (coming up on 14) I have joked, teased, wisecracked, I've flirted, and there are some "hot young studs" that I regularly hug (and sometimes tease and/or flirt with). There's even a couple of specific fellows that I will drool if I start thinking of their powerful hands (on my shoulders). I am lucky enough to know a couple of the best shoulder rubbers in the universe. Oh and then there's the default fantasy guy, Sven. Sven is a figment of the combined imaginations of my mom's group. Sven gives terrific massages don't you know.

Now, I know some folks in open marriages - and I'm sure that's okay for some but it wouldn't work for us for a few reasons.

Probably, the most predominant is that's not the deal we went in with -- I guess we're too "vanilla." But, of course, being somewhat of a comedian I've had to come up with some other reasons.

One of my favorites is that I've got a lot going on, I've got a pretty full schedule with my family, my work, friends, I figure the only way I'd have TIME to fool around would be to cut into my sleep. I ain't cutting into my sleep.

Then one of my staff points out that the overall effects of both sex and sleep are pretty similar so that's not a good enough reason. (We talk about all sorts of things at the tax office -- after all taxes are pretty boring -- gotta have something to amuse ourselves).

TODAY though I found out something that is a deal breaker. There are certain places I'd like to go in my life (I'd love to visit Alaska, Paris, and there's this beach I need to go to with my friend, JK), and there are certain other places I'd like to avoid.

One place I've never been, and really don't want to go is jail. I mean I don't know what it's like but I have a feeling it's not like THIS


with people breaking out into song. I have a hunch it's more like THIS



Now, the Illinois legal code is complex. There is a group of people trying to change that, called Clear Initiative (Criminal Law Edit, Alignment and Reform). This is all well and good (generally speaking), I'm sure that things could be simplified and clarified.

However, in their infinite wisdom and in order to help gain public approval they are planning on keeping some old laws on the books. Here's a quote from today's Chicago Tribune ...

But dodging the political landmines wasn't easy. The commission decided, for example, to retain state laws that criminalize adultery and fornication rather than risk opposition from social conservatives.

That's right -- ravamping the state laws but STILL it will be a CRIME to commit adultery or fornication.

What year is this anyway??????

Oh well, I suppose I can't fool around on Spouse -- think of it -- he won't have to divorce me, he can have me locked up.

I guess I'll just have to wait and find my hot young stud when JK and I go to that beach (which is NOT in Illinois).



(Of course, if I could get jail time with a cellmate that looked like this ....)



I'm just sayin'

Jimmy -- is this what you were thinking???

Jimmy Buffett (musician, philosopher) wrote a song called Love in the Library. Here are some of the lyrics.

Love In The Library
Jimmy Buffett, Mac McAnally

Love in the library, quiet and cool
Love in the library, there are no rules
Surrounded by stories surreal and sublime
I fell in love in the library once upon a time

So today I'm reading a story in the Chicago Tribune ..........


Teen sex in suburban library spurs charges

Tribune staff report
March 1, 2007, 9:06 PM CST

Police credited a staff member for spotting two teenagers having sex in the Woodstock Public Library, authorities said Thursday. Raul A. Tapia, 19, of the 700 block of Oak Street, Woodstock, was charged Monday with criminal sexual abuse for having consensual sex with a 16-year-old girl, a crime punishable by up to a year in jail, police said." The vigilance of the [library] staff led to the arrest," Woodstock Police Sgt. Richard Johns said. Authorities wouldn't say where the alleged incident occurred, other than that it wasn't in a restroom." It was a less-visited area," said Martha Hansen, network administrator for the library. "I can't give any details but it was an extremely isolated incident, and we're confident it won't happen again."
Tapia posted $100 bail.
Copyright © 2007, Chicago Tribune

Obviously Mr. Tapia had not hear another song Jimmy Buffett wrote, called Livingston Saturday Night. There's one pertinent line in that song ........

Fifteen may get you twenty ...

Next time check her ID

And now -- looking at the weather forecast for the next few days I'll leave you with one of my favorite song AND one of my favorite libations ...

Boat Drinks

I know I should be leaving this climate.
I got a verse but can't rhyme it.
I gotta go where it's warm.

Boat drinks.
Waitress, I need two more boat drinks.
Then I'm headin south 'fore my dream shrinks.
I gotta where it's warm.

I gotta go where it's warm.
I gotta go where it's warm.
I gotta go where there ain't any snow,
where there ain't any blow,
'cause my fin sinks so low.
I gotta go where it's warm.


P.S. personal note to Crem -- I'm thinking I'm needing me some lime juice, I'm just sayin'

How do you spell Princess?????

T-R-O-U-B-L-E

I've had many prayers over the years. One thing that I've prayed for over and over is patience.

So I've come to a conclusion about G-d. G-d does not look like

THIS

or THIS

or THIS


NOPE -- G-d looks more like
THIS

or THIS

or THIS


Cause G-d is a comedian -- and honey the joke is on me. Cause I prayed and prayed for patience and I did not get
THIS

but I got THIS


So today is a 1/2 day of school, Princess and Chip are home with Spouse and Princess has already managed to .....

Find some powdered vitamins, find some coffee beans, and find something else. Open all the$e item$, and make some kind of concoction.

The thing is that she gets an idea into her head and then takes it upon herself to get herself into T-R-O-U-B-L-E. And she *knows* she's not supposed to do this stuff, I'm not sure if she conveninetly "forgets" or what. For instance, she's managed to get scissors out and cut her own hair -- more than once. We've told her repeatedly NOT to do that. And I can get this with a toddler (gets bored, gets attention) but she's 5 now. It's GOT to stop sooner or later. Right????

I told Spouse with the amount of trouble she gets herself in, she is never getting an allowance. She's going to owe us money until she's like 80.

Imitation being the most sincere form of flattery

Taken, copied, grabbed from, lovingly lifted from Sock Girl

5 Parenting Observations.

1. If you believe the Old Testament, the first two siblings were Cain and Abel. That's how old sibling rivalry is, and it ain't about to change anytime soon. Leastways not in my house.
2. A sudden, intense interest in homework planning may be a sudden interest in homework planning. But if it's at 10 p.m., it's more likely a diversion to bedtime.
3. If any parent always has enough patience for their children, they are either destined for sainthood or (more likley) on drugs.
4. Housework done incorrectly still blesses your family, Flylady. I don't care if the help ain't up to my standards -- if I get help I ain't turning it down. (This goes for Spouse to).
5. There are days I'd drop them both off on a street corner with a sign saying "free to good home." But honey -- you know I'd be back for them in a minute or two, an hour or two, a day or two, sometime.

As long as I'm typing it anyway .....

Last night my Sunday School class had a progressive dinner. For some reason to date I've never actually been to a progressive dinner. And I really like the concept of going from place to place and eating. Just the way things work.

As is the case with progressive dinners, my dinner went one way, and I went another. Bye bye soup. (Actually I had dropped it at the host home earlier and sent the sides with someone that was going to go)

As we got together at house #3 for dessert (lots of chocolate was involved) I received my near empty crock pot and rave reviews for the soup. And I must admit I was expecting rave reviews from my soup, the recipe has been in my family for generations hours. I got a few requests for recipes and figured that I should type it out right away, before I forget it.

BLACK BEAN SOUP KAIROS STYLE
Serves a small African nation, or a few Methodists

olive oil
salt
pepper
cumin
21 season salute (TJs)
1 onion
½ jar Roasted Red Peppers (TJs)
1 Chipolte in Adobo (1 pepper – not one jar unless you’re brave)
2 cloves garlic
2 cans black beans
3 cans Cuban Style black beans (TJs)
1 large or 2 small cans chopped tomatoes
1 bag frozen fire roasted sweet corn (TJs)
Vegetarian broth (I used Imagine brand) (I used about 1-2 cups)

Saute onion, red peppers, and chipolte in olive oil. Toss in soup pot or crock pot. Add remaining ingredients and heat through, or let simmer. NOTE: when chopping chipolte pepper, don’t touch it with your hands and rub your eyes. I’m just sayin’. I’ll chop the thing without even touching it.

Serve as is or with sour cream, rice, and/or andouille sausage.