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From the Enquirer (Cincinnati)

The chess world's governing body announced it will introduce drug testing in the Asian Games in Qatar. Steroids? We all know how hard it is to push one of those rooks across that board.

I'm trying to think of what performance enhancing drugs would help with chess. I guess I'll have to keep an eye out the next chess tournament I go to, see what the coaches are slipping to the players between games.

OKAY OKAY -- I CONFESS!!!! The last time I went to a chess tournament I gave the boys SODA and PIZZA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Lock me up and throw away the key.

Sometimes I think the entire world is just a little bit off kilter.