It must be true -- I took a test.

Your results:
You are Deanna Troi

Deanna Troi 75% Chekov 70% An Expendable Character (Redshirt) 55% James T. Kirk (Captain) 50% Uhura 50% Will Riker 50% Leonard McCoy (Bones) 45% Geordi LaForge 45% Beverly Crusher 40% Worf 40% Spock 37% Data 30% Jean-Luc Picard 25% Mr. Scott 20% Mr. Sulu 0%

You are a caring and loving individual. You understand people's emotions and you are able to comfort and counsel them.

Click here to take the Star Trek Personality Quiz

More testing

You Are 28% Evil

A bit of evil lurks in your heart, but you hide it well. In some ways, you are the most dangerous kind of evil.

How Evil Are You?

It's not easy being green

I'm not sure exactly what this means

Your results:
You are Green Lantern

Green Lantern 90% Spider-Man 80% Superman 70% Catwoman 70% Robin 65% Hulk 65% Supergirl 55% The Flash 55% Batman 45% Wonder Woman 45% Iron Man 25%

Hot-headed. You have strong will power and a good imagination.

Click here to take the Superhero Personality Quiz

If you know the answer -- please explain it to me?????

According to recent news, the U.S. military is having trouble finding enough people to send over to the desert to get killed, so they have lowered their standards and started accepting soldiers that are former convicts.

Check out this article from the Chicago Tribune. I'll pull some quotes below. But a few comments first.

Over the *many* years I've been on Spaceship Earth, I've known quite a few gays, and quite a few lesbians. To the best of my recollection I haven't had any issues with any of them (and quite a few really run times to boot - ever gone square dancing with a bunch of gay boys???) I suppose if I did have any issues there was nothing that big, as I've forgotten about it. OH YEAH -- there was one time -- you'll have to go to the end of this posting to find out.

Over the years, to my knowledge, I've had one close encounter with a former convict. Surgery was needed to mend broken bones, and we took to calling the look I wore for the next few weeks "variations on a raccoon." Really I never knew there were so very many shades of purple.

So really -- who would you rather be "in the trenches" with?? Someone that would rather crack your head open?? Or someone that helps pull you up by the bootstraps when your head has been cracked open??

`Don't ask' rule's serious tradeoffs

Published March 4, 2007

Thanks to the growing demands of the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan, the U.S. military has had increasing trouble finding and keeping recruits. So it's had to lower its standards. How much? Since 2003, the number of convicted felons allowed to join has nearly doubled--to 1,605 last year. The military has also welcomed nearly 44,000 enlistees convicted of serious misdemeanors. Going from an orange jumpsuit to desert camo must be a refreshing change.

But the Pentagon hasn't eliminated its standards entirely. You still can't serve your country if you have a thing for people of your own sex. And if you are secretly gay, you can be kicked out if your sexual orientation becomes known. Since 1993, more than 11,000 troops have been discharged under President Bill Clinton's "don't ask, don't tell" policy. If you were in the Army, would you rather bunk next to a homosexual or an ex-con?

...

Many of those soldiers evicted under the existing policy have vital skills that are hard to replace, such as fluency in Arabic or Farsi. At the same time the military is discharging gays, it is compelled to embrace ex-cons. That's the weird tradeoff we've chosen with don't-ask-don't-tell.

If the policy were only detrimental to gays, it might be justified. But right now, it looks like a policy billed as preserving military effectiveness that actually does just the opposite.

----------

Steve Chapman is a member of the Tribune's editorial board. E-mail: schapman@tribune.com

As promised, I did once take issue with something that one of my gay friends said. He had just finished up his Master's and was going on to his Ph.D. At the time we were both living in a University town and completely surrounded by academic type people.

Since he had finished up his thesis shortly before graduation time, I asked if he was going to go through graduation and invite his family out and such. He said "it's ONLY a Master's." I really laid into him - told him that just because he is hanging around a bunch of Professors and Ph.D.s and such it doesn't mean that a Master's is worthless and how many people in his family have a Master's and how many people in the town he grew up in had a Master's or a Bachelor's or whatever. I laid into him for about 10 minutes letting him know that his recent *accomplishment* was not worthless.

I think I scared the poor boy.

Which just goes to show -- you *DO NOT* put down my friends when you're around me, even if you're putting down yourself.

Mary had a little lamb

NO -- I didn't have that particular little lamb. I was too busy eating to take pictures.

Lamb Chops with Braised Root Vegetables, Colcannon, and Irish Soda Bread

Lamp Chops

This was, by far, the most difficult part of the process.

Go to Trader Joe's -- buy lamb chops - follow directions. WHEW I'm worn out just thinking about it.

Braised Root Vegetables

2 tablespoons butter
1 pound packaged baby carrots
1 rutabaga, peeled and diced
1 onion, diced
Salt and pepper
2 cups chicken or vegetable stock

Heat a skillet with a cover over medium to medium high heat. Add butter, carrots, rutabaga and onion. Cook veggies 5 minutes, stirring frequently. Add broth or stock, bring to a simmer, and reduce heat and cover. Cook vegetables 15 minutes or until fork tender. Remove from heat and set aside.

Colcannon

2 1/2 pounds potatoes, peeled and cubed
4 slices bacon
1/2 small head cabbage, chopped
1 onion, chopped
1/2 cup milk
Salt and pepper
1/4 cup butter, melted

Put potatoes in saucepan with enough water to cover. Bring to a boil. Cook until tender, 15 to 20 minutes. Cook bacon in skillet over medium-high heat. Drain, reserve drippings, crumble and set aside. In drippings, sauté cabbage and onion until soft and translucent, about 10 minutes.
Drain potatoes; mash with milk. Add salt, pepper, bacon, cabbage and onions. Transfer to serving bowl. Serve with butter.

Irish Soda Bread

On the south side of Chicago, near 63rd and Cicero is a GREAT Bakery called Winston's. They make GREAT Irish Soda Bread. It's about a 45 minute drive from my house (each way).

Across the parking lot from Trader Joe's in Naperville, is a place called Great Harvest Bread Company. They make a REALLY REALLY REALLY good Irish Soda Bread. It's a 6 minute drive from my house.

Happy St. Patrick's Day

(P.S. to Crem -- Colcannon at Chez Van MUCH better than Colcannon at Ballydoyle)

'Tis herself

In case anyone had any doubt, I now have scientific proof. (It MUST be true, I read it on the Internet)

You Are Guinness

You know beer well, and you'll only drink the best beers in the world.Watered down beers disgust you, as do the people who drink them.When you drink, you tend to become a bit of a know it all - especially about subjects you don't know well.But your friends tolerate your drunken ways, because you introduce them to the best beers around.

What's" Your Beer Personality?

Lovely Day for a Guinness.

Yep - that's me alright.

You are 79% Burned Out

You Are 79% Burned Out

You are very burned out.You need a huge break from your responsibilities, starting as soon as possible.And you need this time to reevaluate what you really want out of your life.Because you're working hard and going no where... and that would burn anyone out!

Are You Burned Out?

YIPPIE!!!!

A while back, Chip and I were sitting, and I was reading parts of Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix to him. It was rather disconcerting on MY part as he'd have me read bits, and then I'd get tired of reading and then he'd read on ahead and then a night or two later I'd be reading from further ahead.

During this time, I remember reading the "flight to freedom" scene of the Weasley Twins. For those that have read the books, it's where Fred and George decide they've had enough formal education, and leave Hogwarts (in a rather, ummm, distinctive, fashion).

Chip and I were rolling while I was reading that, I don't know whether I had forgotten how funny it was, or if it was more amusing while being read aloud. One thing I remember us talking about at the time was how we hoped that that particular scene would be included in the movie.

So today I was poking around and discovered .....

Bye Bye Fred, Bye Bye George, don't forget to write.

121 days. I think he plans that I'll be taking about 1/2 the 4th going on 5th grade boys to the midnight movie. Uncle Crem are you joining us this time I remember how much you enjoyed it last time (especially the next day).

Riddle me this

Why on EARTH did someone pay money for a van, and hire people to do this???

I mean I know of a few hundred people that would be more than happy to trade the beginning product for the end result.

THIS is MY life. If you've EVER ridden in my van, read this.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HEFE3B0Rje0

Make Mine Chocolate

If you look at the front page of my blog, you might notice some bunnies in the upper right hand corner. I meant to write more about this.

THIS is a good example of an Easter Bunny


THIS is another good example of an Easter Bunny

Personally, I prefer choice #2, as choice #1 will likely be eaten by the dog, and choice #2 will likely be eaten by Rambling-mom.

THIS is a house pet. It could live for up to 10 years. As a former child (some people would disagree with the use of the word "former") and as I mom, I can assure you that no matter how much the kids tell you "please, we promise we'll take care of it," they won't. Three weeks before Easter, ask the owner at any pet store where they $ell rabbit$ what they think of giving someone baby bunnie$ for Ea$ter and they will $ing the joy$ of rabbit owner$hip. (And actually, if you check out the House Rabbit Society website you can find some wonderful things about owning a rabbit). Three - Four months AFTER Easter, ask the rescue workers at any animal shelter or Rabbit Rescue society what they think about live Easter Rabbits and they'll tell you a different story. They'll tell a story of abandonment and neglect.

Now I'm not saying don't go out and get a rabbit. I'm just saying think about it, are you in it for 10 weeks???? Or 10 YEARS. ME, I'm in it for 10 minutes -- make mine chocolate.

OH -- and since Crem doesn't much like chocolate, and has no use for rabbits as pets, and since his dog Fuzz(forbrains) would destroy a stuffed rabbit in less than 5 minutes I've included a picture of an Easter Bunny just for him.

All you need is love

Okay friends, we're going to get together here to help out another friend of mine. I want to have the combined intelligence of all my readers help out with this one.

My handsome and talented friend Crem has gotten himself involved in a project put on by our young friend, KayLee. KayLee has actually written (rewritten more accurately) a production that will have its world debut on Easter at a family gathering. (It will actually be the first and last showing). At Thanksgiving we did our first production, which involved KayLee, Chip, DNiece#4, DNephew#1, Princess, and yours truly (the only adult in the production). In her second production Crem got a role (mind you, he didn't audition). Crem was very excited to get this role drafted and the other day he was wondering WHY he allowed himself to be drafted.

My immediate answer was "because you love KayLee." (I mean really why else would someone allow themselves to get suckeredvolunteered.) Crem often has the honor of being abusedpaid attention to by the kids at family gatherings.

Now, I don't know what the deal is with Crem -- I'd say he's a sociopath but that's MY gig -- at any rate he claims he's very confused about the entire definition/emotion of love.

Of course, me being the great friendsmart ass that I am, I pointed out that I've HEARD him tell his dog Fuzz(for brains) that he loves him. Crem points out that it's different with dogs. Ain't that the truth. Dogs carry a lot less emotional baggage.

Then I point out that love is a verb. I believe this quote has been attributed to Stephen Covey -- but I believe it's older than that.

Anyway being older and wiser than Crem I point out that actions speak louder than words, and his actions show that he has human relationships pretty well down. All the kids adore him (in my book any human that is adored by children and dogs is "good people" way deep down -- children and/or dogs don't love you -- well then you're suspect in my book too). And when a friend needs something he's there if he can be (but not to the point of letting himself be taken advantage of.)

I believe a concern of his might be if he actually lets ON to people that he really cares about them then they might take advantage of him.

YEAH HONEY -- like that's stopped any of us to date!!!

This weekend was not the first time we've discussed this issue, and I am MORE THAN happy to discuss this at length anytime (especially if there's a Guinness in front of me).

But I was wondering if my dear readers might have any insight about love. Don't limit this to romantic love -- friends, siblings, parent/child, other adult/child, who/whatever.

Interestingly enough, back in January on Scott Adams Dilbert Blog, Scott did a Romance Survey and asked his readers about the most romantic thing they've done. His comments on the survey are here where he noted that most people found the doing of household chores romantic. Scott, your readers are brilliant people.

All you need is love

All you need is love

All you need is love, love

Love is all you need

(Okay -- so all you need is love and someone to fold the laundry).

40 years of Loving.

I was reading this article in the Chicago Tribune.

Due to copyrights (and length) I won't put in the entire article but I'll toss in some high points. A couple (Richard Loving and Mildred Jeter) got married. Moved back home to Virginia and got arrested. Why??? Well, white men and black women don't get married -- at least according to the Virginia laws at the time. In June of 1967 the Supreme Court ruled on Loving vs. Virginia which overturned rules against interracial marriage.

A cultural taboo fades

Since then, there has been an almost fourfold increase in interracial marriages, according to a report released last week by the Council on Contemporary Families, though such unions still make up only 7.5 percent of all married couples.

Hey -- on my little teeny court of 14 houses in suburbia, there are 3 interracial marriages. (HORRORS -- what ARE we teaching the children??) Of those marriages, there are 9 (count em) 9 half breeds. What *IS* the world coming to?

In 1972, 39 percent of Americans still favored laws banning them. Thirty years later, that figure had shrunk to 10 percent--and even less among young people, according to the report by the council, a non-profit organization based in Chicago.

But in 1967--13 years after Brown vs. Board of Education declared school segregation unconstitutional--interracial marriage was still taboo nationwide and illegal in 27 states. It was in that hostile climate that the Loving case started in rural Caroline County, Va. Mildred Jeter, 18 and black, fell in love with Richard Loving, 24, a white man whom she had known all her life.

"Almighty God created the races, white, black and yellow ... and placed them on separate continents, and but for the interference with his arrangement there would be no cause for such marriages," Bazile said from the bench.

Umm -- first I totally disagree with the statement, but I'm trying to figure out where that judgement fits with "separation of church and state"???

That same year, the once scandalous debate was prompting discussion everywhere. "Star Trek" aired the first interracial kiss on national TV. "Guess Who's Coming to Dinner" hit movie theaters, reminding Americans that it was still considered courageous to wed across color lines--even with a groom as elegant as Sidney Poitier.

And when the daughter of Secretary of State Dean Rusk married a black man in 1967, the private decision was considered so politically risky that Time magazine gave it cover treatment.

Politicians daughter??? Marrying the "wrong person"?????

A more diverse country has created more opportunities to meet a melting pot of potential mates, experts say.

Is the country more diverse now than it was in 1967???

Additionally, as couples delay marriage, parents have less influence over the choice of their children's spouses.

Yeah -- my Mother-in-law was sooooooooooo thrilled when Spouse brought me home.

When [Brian Powell] interviewed 1,500 Americans on gay marriage, opponents sounded "eerily similar" to those who once justified laws that banned race mixing, he said.

Copyright © 2007, Chicago Tribune

Sometimes I look at our country, and our world, and think that there are a lot of backwards notions and closed minded people. On a lot of issues we've come a long way. On many issues we still have a long way to go. But, I wouldn't necessarily give up hope.

From the text for the Loving Decision ...

Marriage is one of the "basic civil rights of man," fundamental to our very existence and survival. To deny this fundamental freedom on so unsupportable a basis as the racial classifications embodied in these statutes, classifications so directly subversive of the principle of equality at the heart of the Fourteenth Amendment, is surely to deprive all the State's citizens of liberty without due process of law. The Fourteenth Amendment requires that the freedom of choice to marry not be restricted by invidious racial discriminations. Under our Constitution, the freedom to marry, or not marry, a person of another race resides with the individual and cannot be infringed by the State.

And, for today I'll leave you with a quote from on of my favorite philosophers. Fellow by the name of Keith Koebel, a former pastor of mine. From a private conversation circa 1987

I'm only closed-minded about closed-minded people.
Ain't it the truth Keith, ain't it the truth.

3 cute guys - 3 easy lessons - one theorem disproved

Yesterday Chip and Princess did not have school. They had an Institute day (an institute day here being defined as "a day when the teachers decide they've had enough of the little buggers and they're sending them home to mom and dad"). Last December we received, as a gift, a membership to the Museum of Science and Industry, Chip, Princess, a friend of theirs, and I went there over Winter break. While there, Chip informed me that he'd like to see Body Worlds 2 and my theory is if it's (a) educational, (b) free (or basically since we only have to pay for parking with our membership) and (c) my kid is asking to do it, it's a pretty sure bet I'll give in without too much pressure. So Chip, Spouse, and I went off to Chicago. We left Princess with Grandma as she would not have had the patience for this particular exhibit.



Crem also wanted to see Body Worlds, so we invited him along (HEY -- since we can bring a guest with the membership we could even afford to treat him - bises Crem - it'll be my treat anytime it doesn't cost me money oh remind me you owe me a Guinness -- HEY I bought the audio tour.) Crem works in the city, so met us at lunchtime. I went down to meet him and get him his ticket. While I was meeting him Spouse and Chip went to the Chick Hatchery. My statement has always been a watched chick never hatches as I've spent a great deal of time sitting at the chick hatchery waiting (and waiting and waiting).

So -- in the like 15 minutes or so that I'm trying to find Crem, get his coat checked in, look for the camera which I thought was in my pocket something happened. I didn't find out about this until this morning as I was downloading these pictures ...





Anyway good thing I didn't have the camera with me. So that disproves my theorem that a watched chick never hatches. Course, I love Crem but I'm going to hang the fellow now cause if I wasn't tracking him down I wouldn't have missed this. Either I'm going to hang him or I'll have him buy me (yet another) Guinness. That last picture is cute -- see the new chick hatches and one of the chicks that hatched earlier goes over and tries to walk all over the new chick. So while disproving my theorem about the watched chick we now have more to prove the theorem that sibling rivalry starts early, and is not species specific.

After this, Chip, Spouse, Crem, and I went to the Body Worlds exhibit. I won't even try to describe how absolutely friggin cool it is, save to say that if it comes to your town GO SEE IT. It will give you a new perspective on a real high tech machine.

So while we're in the exhibit (which spanned a few different rooms) Chip decided that he wanted Uncle Crem to be his buddy (which worked out pretty well as they ended up going at about the same pace). I always have Chip know that he's not allowed to disappear into another (out of site) area without checking in with an adult, and in a case where it's 3 adults to one kid I only need to have him check in with one -- as long as it's the same one.

About 2/3 of the way through Crem asked me if I'd seen Chip - neither of us had seen him in a while so we took off in different directions looking for him. I was heading back toward center and I found Chip and Chip dragged me off to where he had been (behind a great big curtain).

Behind the curtain was a very detailed description of exactly what a baby looks like at each stage of development. Easy lesson #1 -- where do babies come from. Right now my Darling Niece #1 is pregnant (so I was able to point at 16 weeks and tell him that's what his cousin looks like), so Chip and Princess both have gotten a new interest in "where babies come from." OH BABY BABY. [sooner or later I'm sure he'll want details on how the sperm and egg get together - I'm soooooo looking forward to THAT discussion].

After Chip and I finished looking at the baby growth plan, he went and hunted down Spouse. Spouse was in his own world and I had to push him gently encourage him to follow his son. While Chip and Spouse were in the baby room I ran into Crem and said "did you see where he was" "well that takes care of the 'where do babies come from' discussion." I also mentioned that we got down the "why you should never smoke" discussion. Of course Chip already knows the answer to that one "if you ever smoke you don't have to worry about the cigarettes killing you cause mom will take care of it first." Crem also pointed out that the liver does a pretty good job of discussing "why you shouldn't drink too much." (Easy lessons #2 and #3) (Of course, Crem, the liver is NO excuse for you not to buy me one or two pints of Guinness). Then Chip comes out and drags Uncle C into the baby room.

I gotta admit though -- the entire 9 months in a woman's body thing is still beyond my ability to comprehend. Life is an amazing miracle.


After we were done looking at dead bodies, we went to watch the Omnimax film Hurricane on the Bayou. This film was started a few months before Katrina, and filmed before, during, and after Katrina. This was shot by the same people that did Everest. As they seem to do films at places were chaos is about to happen, and they currently have a Grand Canyon film in production, I'd advise not going anywhere near the Grand Canyon.

After the movie, we looked around a bit more, and then went home.



Hard lesson #1 -- NEVER count on rush hour traffic when you have an appointment. I'm just sayin'



This morning Chip was wondering how much shorter one leg needs to be than the other before they put the "extendo" (an orthopedic metal bone extender) on.

In the news today

An article from Reuters Oddly Enough for entire article click here

Man chainsaws house in two in divorce split

Fri Mar 9, 2007 8:24 AM ET

BERLIN (Reuters) - A 43-year-old German decided to settle his imminent divorce by chainsawing a family home in two and making off with his half in a forklift truck.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

© Reuters 2007.

GEE -- I can't imagine why someone would divorce this intelligent, resourceful person bloody idiot.

Butter, Milk, Eggs

12:30 a.m. -- Rambling is mostly asleep -- dreaming lovely dreams (probably about Sven or something). Spouse comes in "Is this Butter?" "The Dog" I'm like -- is there butter ON the dog?? Nope we seem to have an extra dog around. You go out and walk the collie, and come home with a lab???? Anyway it looks sort kind like it might be the neighbor's dog - but neighbor's dog has just graduated from puppyhood to doghood so we weren't quite sure, and let's face it we pretty much don't see the neighbors (or their dogs) during the winter. In my state we hibernate. In addition, Spouse is reading a tag saying it's from Animal Control and I'm pretty sure Butter came from a pet store.

We tried tying up the dog outside our house and figured out that wouldn't work. I mean we might make the neighbor that owns the dog happy by not having the dog get loose and run over by a car -- but the REST of the neighborhood wouldn't get any sleep. So Spouse goes out to tie up lost dog at neighbor's house. While he's out I get a phone call "there's ANOTHER dog out here." I grab an extra lease, but the other dog managed to decide to wander over to the next block through the yards. (I'm not tramping through my neighbor's yards in the middle of the in my jammies). Finally while we have the first dog under the lamp Spouse notices a tag that says 24 pet find (or something) (why he didn't see that the first time ... you know back when the dog was in our WARM house) so we grab the cell phone and call the 888 number. A guy comes on the phone and we read the number off the tag. He says the name of the dog (Turner or something) and the dog belongs to neighbor's last name. I'm like "OH on such and so street?" So I guess Butter had a previous moniker.

So, we took Butter, tied her to a tree outside her home, and figure she can wake the neighbors at THAT end of the street.


I wonder if Sven is still waiting for me back behind my eyelids??

And when I'm dead and gone

I find this interesting. I looked at the quiz a couple of times. One of the items I was unsure about was whether or not I was interesting in skydiving. If I say I am NOT interested in skydiving ....

You'll die from a Heart Attack during Sex.

Your a lover not a fighter but sadly, in the act of making love your heart will stop. But what a way to go.

'How will you die?' at QuizGalaxy.com

HOWEVER -- if I say I *AM* interesting in skydiving ..

You'll die from an Unlikely Illness (like the plague).

You will unfortunately succumb to a random and unlikely disease. Only to find out after death that eating more broccoli would have cured you.

'How will you die?' at QuizGalaxy.com

So I guess if I never get around to going skydiving, I'll die from a heart attack during sex, and if I *DO* go skydiving I'll die from an unlikely illness (I suppose one I contract during my skydiving career - maybe the skydiving instructor has some deadly, highly contagious, rare illness).

And when I die, and when I'm gone, there'll be one child born in our world to carry on to carry on...

This just in -- smoking pot makes you stupid

GENERALLY -- I don't think pot is a bad thing, same with alcohol. There's a way to use things responsibly, and ways to be irresponsible.

What follows is a prime example of being irresponsible.

This is from the Star-Telegram out of Fort Worth, Texas. I'm not naive enough to believe this is the only place something like this can happen.

Teen who taped toddler smoking pot ordered held
By DOMINGO RAMIREZ JR.
STAR-TELEGRAM STAFF WRITER

WATAUGA — The teen accused of videotaping toddlers who were made to smoke marijuana has been ordered to remain in the custody of Tarrant County juvenile authorities.

...

Authorities also have arrested Demetris McCoy, 17, and his friend, Vanswan Polty, 18, both of Fort Worth, on suspicion of providing the pot for the 2- and 4-year-old children during the videotaping. McCoy is the children’s uncle.

Polty and McCoy are each charged with two counts of injury to a child. McCoy was in the Tarrant County Jail on Tuesday, with bail set at $225,000. Polty also was in the Tarrant County Jail, with bail set at $150,000.

The video shows two men who appear to be Polty and McCoy laughing as they light a marijuana cigarette for the children and hold it to their mouths.

The men also ask the children whether they “have the munchies” and call them “potheads.”

The children are seen smoking, coughing and stumbling around, according to the video.

© 2007 Star-Telegram.com and wire service sources. All Rights Reserved.
http://www.dfw.com

Smoking pot while being around little ones is probably not the best idea. Making a VIDEOTAPE however, is just taking the stupidity one giant step further.

Hey - at least it helps with Darwin's theory -- cause the guys that did this will likely get successfully removed from contributing to the gene pool for a few years.



And *NO CREM* you can't use the fact that one of these guys was an uncle to get out of babysitting. (a) I know you wouldn't do that to my kids and (b) my kids are old enough to know better, and to inform me anyway.

Not gonna go there ... nope not me

A bit over a year ago for all basic intents I gave up TV. Occasionally I'll watch something with Spouse, Princess, or Chip and once in a while I'll get a Netflix video out (and take two months to actually watch the thing), but generally I don't catch much TV. Yet somehow, even without my vigilance, Anna Nicole Smith managed to have a funeral. Whodathunkit.

Now I pretty much catch all my news from the Internet. In a way it's a bit of a pain and I miss the comic page but I survive. In a way it's kind of nice too - if something doesn't interest me I can look at the next story, if something does interest me I can look up more about it, and there's no wasted paper.

This brings me to the subject of adultery, specifically *me* cheating on Spouse (it follows -- trust me you'll find out later). Now, over the years (coming up on 14) I have joked, teased, wisecracked, I've flirted, and there are some "hot young studs" that I regularly hug (and sometimes tease and/or flirt with). There's even a couple of specific fellows that I will drool if I start thinking of their powerful hands (on my shoulders). I am lucky enough to know a couple of the best shoulder rubbers in the universe. Oh and then there's the default fantasy guy, Sven. Sven is a figment of the combined imaginations of my mom's group. Sven gives terrific massages don't you know.

Now, I know some folks in open marriages - and I'm sure that's okay for some but it wouldn't work for us for a few reasons.

Probably, the most predominant is that's not the deal we went in with -- I guess we're too "vanilla." But, of course, being somewhat of a comedian I've had to come up with some other reasons.

One of my favorites is that I've got a lot going on, I've got a pretty full schedule with my family, my work, friends, I figure the only way I'd have TIME to fool around would be to cut into my sleep. I ain't cutting into my sleep.

Then one of my staff points out that the overall effects of both sex and sleep are pretty similar so that's not a good enough reason. (We talk about all sorts of things at the tax office -- after all taxes are pretty boring -- gotta have something to amuse ourselves).

TODAY though I found out something that is a deal breaker. There are certain places I'd like to go in my life (I'd love to visit Alaska, Paris, and there's this beach I need to go to with my friend, JK), and there are certain other places I'd like to avoid.

One place I've never been, and really don't want to go is jail. I mean I don't know what it's like but I have a feeling it's not like THIS


with people breaking out into song. I have a hunch it's more like THIS



Now, the Illinois legal code is complex. There is a group of people trying to change that, called Clear Initiative (Criminal Law Edit, Alignment and Reform). This is all well and good (generally speaking), I'm sure that things could be simplified and clarified.

However, in their infinite wisdom and in order to help gain public approval they are planning on keeping some old laws on the books. Here's a quote from today's Chicago Tribune ...

But dodging the political landmines wasn't easy. The commission decided, for example, to retain state laws that criminalize adultery and fornication rather than risk opposition from social conservatives.

That's right -- ravamping the state laws but STILL it will be a CRIME to commit adultery or fornication.

What year is this anyway??????

Oh well, I suppose I can't fool around on Spouse -- think of it -- he won't have to divorce me, he can have me locked up.

I guess I'll just have to wait and find my hot young stud when JK and I go to that beach (which is NOT in Illinois).



(Of course, if I could get jail time with a cellmate that looked like this ....)



I'm just sayin'

Jimmy -- is this what you were thinking???

Jimmy Buffett (musician, philosopher) wrote a song called Love in the Library. Here are some of the lyrics.

Love In The Library
Jimmy Buffett, Mac McAnally

Love in the library, quiet and cool
Love in the library, there are no rules
Surrounded by stories surreal and sublime
I fell in love in the library once upon a time

So today I'm reading a story in the Chicago Tribune ..........


Teen sex in suburban library spurs charges

Tribune staff report
March 1, 2007, 9:06 PM CST

Police credited a staff member for spotting two teenagers having sex in the Woodstock Public Library, authorities said Thursday. Raul A. Tapia, 19, of the 700 block of Oak Street, Woodstock, was charged Monday with criminal sexual abuse for having consensual sex with a 16-year-old girl, a crime punishable by up to a year in jail, police said." The vigilance of the [library] staff led to the arrest," Woodstock Police Sgt. Richard Johns said. Authorities wouldn't say where the alleged incident occurred, other than that it wasn't in a restroom." It was a less-visited area," said Martha Hansen, network administrator for the library. "I can't give any details but it was an extremely isolated incident, and we're confident it won't happen again."
Tapia posted $100 bail.
Copyright © 2007, Chicago Tribune

Obviously Mr. Tapia had not hear another song Jimmy Buffett wrote, called Livingston Saturday Night. There's one pertinent line in that song ........

Fifteen may get you twenty ...

Next time check her ID

And now -- looking at the weather forecast for the next few days I'll leave you with one of my favorite song AND one of my favorite libations ...

Boat Drinks

I know I should be leaving this climate.
I got a verse but can't rhyme it.
I gotta go where it's warm.

Boat drinks.
Waitress, I need two more boat drinks.
Then I'm headin south 'fore my dream shrinks.
I gotta where it's warm.

I gotta go where it's warm.
I gotta go where it's warm.
I gotta go where there ain't any snow,
where there ain't any blow,
'cause my fin sinks so low.
I gotta go where it's warm.


P.S. personal note to Crem -- I'm thinking I'm needing me some lime juice, I'm just sayin'

How do you spell Princess?????

T-R-O-U-B-L-E

I've had many prayers over the years. One thing that I've prayed for over and over is patience.

So I've come to a conclusion about G-d. G-d does not look like

THIS

or THIS

or THIS


NOPE -- G-d looks more like
THIS

or THIS

or THIS


Cause G-d is a comedian -- and honey the joke is on me. Cause I prayed and prayed for patience and I did not get
THIS

but I got THIS


So today is a 1/2 day of school, Princess and Chip are home with Spouse and Princess has already managed to .....

Find some powdered vitamins, find some coffee beans, and find something else. Open all the$e item$, and make some kind of concoction.

The thing is that she gets an idea into her head and then takes it upon herself to get herself into T-R-O-U-B-L-E. And she *knows* she's not supposed to do this stuff, I'm not sure if she conveninetly "forgets" or what. For instance, she's managed to get scissors out and cut her own hair -- more than once. We've told her repeatedly NOT to do that. And I can get this with a toddler (gets bored, gets attention) but she's 5 now. It's GOT to stop sooner or later. Right????

I told Spouse with the amount of trouble she gets herself in, she is never getting an allowance. She's going to owe us money until she's like 80.

Imitation being the most sincere form of flattery

Taken, copied, grabbed from, lovingly lifted from Sock Girl

5 Parenting Observations.

1. If you believe the Old Testament, the first two siblings were Cain and Abel. That's how old sibling rivalry is, and it ain't about to change anytime soon. Leastways not in my house.
2. A sudden, intense interest in homework planning may be a sudden interest in homework planning. But if it's at 10 p.m., it's more likely a diversion to bedtime.
3. If any parent always has enough patience for their children, they are either destined for sainthood or (more likley) on drugs.
4. Housework done incorrectly still blesses your family, Flylady. I don't care if the help ain't up to my standards -- if I get help I ain't turning it down. (This goes for Spouse to).
5. There are days I'd drop them both off on a street corner with a sign saying "free to good home." But honey -- you know I'd be back for them in a minute or two, an hour or two, a day or two, sometime.

As long as I'm typing it anyway .....

Last night my Sunday School class had a progressive dinner. For some reason to date I've never actually been to a progressive dinner. And I really like the concept of going from place to place and eating. Just the way things work.

As is the case with progressive dinners, my dinner went one way, and I went another. Bye bye soup. (Actually I had dropped it at the host home earlier and sent the sides with someone that was going to go)

As we got together at house #3 for dessert (lots of chocolate was involved) I received my near empty crock pot and rave reviews for the soup. And I must admit I was expecting rave reviews from my soup, the recipe has been in my family for generations hours. I got a few requests for recipes and figured that I should type it out right away, before I forget it.

BLACK BEAN SOUP KAIROS STYLE
Serves a small African nation, or a few Methodists

olive oil
salt
pepper
cumin
21 season salute (TJs)
1 onion
½ jar Roasted Red Peppers (TJs)
1 Chipolte in Adobo (1 pepper – not one jar unless you’re brave)
2 cloves garlic
2 cans black beans
3 cans Cuban Style black beans (TJs)
1 large or 2 small cans chopped tomatoes
1 bag frozen fire roasted sweet corn (TJs)
Vegetarian broth (I used Imagine brand) (I used about 1-2 cups)

Saute onion, red peppers, and chipolte in olive oil. Toss in soup pot or crock pot. Add remaining ingredients and heat through, or let simmer. NOTE: when chopping chipolte pepper, don’t touch it with your hands and rub your eyes. I’m just sayin’. I’ll chop the thing without even touching it.

Serve as is or with sour cream, rice, and/or andouille sausage.

Chessnuts -- and chess moms

When Chip was 3, we were watching the movie A Bug's Life. There was a short before the movie, called Geri's Game about a guy that plays chess with himself.

Chip insisted he wanted to learn that, so I taught him to play checkers. He didn't mean checkers. He meant chess. So Spouse taught him to play chess, and he took to it like only a person ruled by the left side of their brain can.

Meanwhile, the wonderful preschool program he was in shut down, so we spent time hanging out with a homeschooling group that had a chess club.

Also, meanwhile Chip was one of the last of his peers to get fully potty trained. This was not unheard of for active, hyperfocused boys. I realized how peculiar this was the day that I showed up at chess club, with a diaper bad. It was just odd.

Anyway time went on and when Chip was in Kindergarten we started the chess tournament circuit. In our chess activities we have had some great travels and met some really wonderful people. I'm glad for almost every minute of it (except some of the uncomfortable benches at some of the tournaments). I've commented I've been really glad that my child chose an activity that does *NOT* involve me sitting on a blanket in the cold and rain. Indoor activity has advantages.

Since Kindergarten we have been suggesting that there might be interest in a chess club at Chip's school. I mentioned this in this posting from November.We've heard some interesting reasons for not having one over the years.

In parallel to this, in our town, USA, chess has been becoming more prevalent, and a few of the other grade school have chess teams. At one school in particular there is a very active chess program, and they have held quite a few tournaments this year.

Chip is not one to let sleeping dogs lay (unlike his Uncle Crem - private joke) so this year he started bugging some of his friends to join him in the tournament circuit. Earlier this year he and some of his friends went to a local tournament and came home with some hardware -- a first place trophy.

Which technically belongs to the school -- since it's a "team trophy"

We went one morning and presented this to the school, and I like to think this might have had a bit of an effect as ...

In the recent school newlestter there was an announcement that the school is

FINALLY

starting a chess club.

It will be starting after spring break, and will be an (ugh) before school activity.

And just a reminder to all you moms out there.

THE QUEEN RULES!!! Makes sense on the chess board, makes sense in my life.

There goes my tbird

A few years ago my sister had a birthday and reached a new "decade." In honour of this auspicious occasion, she got a new car. Not this car exactly -- but this year and model.



Her tbird is the color "Merlot" (so she calls it "Marilyn Merlot" - I did mention that insanity runs in my family).

Anyway, this year I get to hit a new "decade" (not until October) and I spun this well when I told Spouse what I wanted for my birthday. First I reminded him that Marilyn was a birthday present. With that in mind, my present isn't really all that expen$ive now, is it?? Anyway I don't actually get to cash in my present until December when we go to the Shubert LaSalle Bank Theater to see ...



Okay -- so I don't get the tbird -- I only get tickets to a show but ain't nothing I can do about it because, as we all know (cue music) "Big Girls Don't Cry" But this big girl is going to be singing and dancing and having a grand time the whole night.

If at first you don't succeed

If at first you don't succeed, try try again.

Some believe in reincarnation. I'm not sure about "what comes next" after death but have, in my (many many) years on the planet given in some deep, and some not so deep, thought.

One thing I've often said is that when I come back I want to be a house cat. Think about the life of a cat, eat, sleep, nap, repeat. Not a bad gig if I do say so myself. That would have been my choice until yesterday.

Crem set up a web cam so he could watch his dog while at work (or for some reason - who really knows why). Anyway I was watching SASTV (SAS -- short for "short attention span") and here's what I saw this morning.

Dog sleeping on one side of the couch.

Dog moves to other side of couch, sleeps some more.

Dog moves back to other side of couch and cleans paws.

Dog sleeps some more.

And, unlike a cat I wouldn't be expected to eat the occasional mouse that runs by, and unlike a family dog there'd be no kids to pull my tail.

I either need a life like that, or maybe the sloth that the Jena University researchers were studying.

I think I'm needing some time for some rest and relaxation meditative contemplation.

Hair today -- gone tomorrow ....

Back in the old, cold days of January, I wrote in things you might not know that I wanted to grow my hair out to donate for Locks of Love.

Well, I guess my hair must be reading my blog because it finally cooperated.

So now I have a new, short do (however, I do not yet have a picture of myself in the new short do).

I've had interesting reactions.

Chip and Princess both said I look like my sister.

Spouse (and a few other people) said I look younger.

Actually -- if you take those two statements together it's interesting because basically I could be looking "younger," just like my "older" sister.

LOTS of folks said I did and great and wonderful thing. (Let's see, getting too lazy to go get a haircut for a few years -- SUCH a generous spirit I am).

Crem, my best and dearest friend on the planet, said -- well pretty much nothing. He's SUCH a guy. (His talkative, complimentary nature might go a long way toward explaining why he's a such SINGLE guy -- bises Crem -- you know I love you).

When it comes to personal care, I believe in taking care of the basics (you know, brush teeth, shower, put on moisturizer) but I don't go much more than that. And when it comes to my hair I'm pretty much the same way. My hairdresser knows this and has always styled my hair accordingly (wash, brush, GOOOOOOOOOO).

Of course, at this time of year, and in this weather, I pretty much have to use a blow dryer in the morning (I tend to do that if the thermometer is below 0 -- Fahrenheit that it). But this is great -- out of the shower at 7 -- hair dry at 7:05.

Yeah -- I'm such a generous spirit. (Lazy bum more like it).

Clean it okay .....

Client came in today and told me about something that happened to one of his coworkers (who has two kids).

Drive careful .....

If you drive something that has a tall, flat top -- CLEAN IT OFF!!!

I'm just sayin'


Chunk of ice is blamed for death of motorist


February 22, 2007 BARTLETT -- A 51-year-old Bartlett man was killed Tuesday afternoon when he was struck by a chunk of frozen mud and debris that fell off a truck and crashed through the roof of his car, police said.The accident occurred about 12:30 p.m. at Illinois Highway 59 and Pebble Beach Lane in the northwest suburb, Bartlett Police Cmdr. Patrick Ullrich said.The victim, whose name was not immediately released, was northbound on Illinois 59 in his 1999 Pontiac Grand Am when the piece of debris fell off a truck ahead of him and came through the roof of the car, Ullrich said."It was a large frozen chunk of mud and dirt," Ullrich said. "We think it came off of some type of large dump truck."The victim was alone in his car, Ullrich said. After the debris struck him, the Pontiac continued north for about two blocks and crashed into a landscaped area on the side of the road near Baytree Drive.The man was pronounced dead at the scene at 1:05 p.m., according to a spokesman for the Cook County medical examiner's office. An autopsy was scheduled for Thursday.Ullrich said the truck did not stop at the scene, but police do not believe the truck driver was trying to flee.Police were asking anyone who saw the truck or have information on the accident to call Bartlett detectives at 630-837-0846.
Copyright © 2007, Chicago Tribune

HEY HEY HEY - IT'S FAT (Tuesday)

A long time ago (in a galaxy far far away) I used to LOVE Fat Tuesday. This was before I got into the tax business. I LOVE holidays that involve nothing more than celebration and over consumption. I mean really, where's the downside? Lately I haven't had a chance to do the cooking I love to do for the holiday. But I'm wondering if I've missed out on a few things.

For instance, the day before Fat Tuesday (Chubby Monday?) I was at a local grocery store where there was a sign reminding us to get our "Fat Tuesday Brownies." Now, personally I don't recall brownies ever being a traditional "Fat Tuesday" food. Personally I'd like some red beans & rice and some BBQ shrimp (I think I need to make that soon - I promise if I posted the recipe your arteries would clog while reading the recipe - my kinda food) maybe a bit of bread pudding ... a hurricane (or two or three) .

And last week at church there was a sign up for a Fat Tuesday dinner party featuring .....

Lasagna??????????

A Fat Tuesday food??????

I thought about it for a minute or two. I mean on the one hand lasagna is not what I consider a Fat Tuesday food.

On the OTHER hand -- someone else is cooking!!!!! WHOOPIE

So I signed up my family and we went. I was pretty surprised at the number of cars in the parking area and on the streets until I remembered we ARE Methodists and there WAS food in a church basement so we were out en masse. (That's "en masse" not "in Mass," we're not Catholic after all).

Anyway - at each place there was a card where you could write something that you would "give up" for Lent or some good deed you could do.

Princess had the brilliant idea that we could give money to the poor. Not a bad idea but since she doesn't even earn an allowance I wanted some effort on her part, so she needs to start turning off the TV and lights so we can save money (to give to the poor). And if over the next 40 days the habit of actually turning off lights and TV and such happens to form that will save us quite a pretty penny.

I suggested that Chip could "give up" fighting with his sister. He figured that 40 days would be far too long for that. But he did say that he is going to start taking care of the dog. I reminded him that means he does it the first time we ask. (I did overhear another family suggesting that siblings give up fighting -- amazingly it's not a popular option.

I won't say what Spouse wrote down. But if he succeeds I will believe that divine intervention was involved, as I can't believe he can do it on his own.

I won't say what I wrote down either but I will say that I came up with a great secondary idea. I'm going to spend more time hugging good looking men. AH how I suffer. And amazingly I didn't find a single guy at church to argue with me.

Was it yesterday -- or was it a lifetime???

Five years ago today, the world shifted drastically off the axis, and completely changed the landscape of the earth. Or at least that's the way things seemed on Planet Minivan.

I would say that there is about a 99.987% chance that, at some point in time, your mother told you "I HOPE YOU HAVE CHILDREN JUST LIKE YOU." Pretty much all mothers make that statement, or some version of that statement. When I was a child I was somewhat less than perfect (I know it comes as a surprise), and my mother often made statements with that general sentiment.

And then, in 1980, my sister's second daughter was born and somehow there was some weird kind of ricochet effect and my sister gave birth to an imp. (In other words, personality wise, my sister's dd2 was a heck of a lot less like her than she was like me -- I have apologized for this).

A couple of Colleen stories for the day.

When she was about 3, my sister decided to take a shower. How long does that take??? 10 minutes? Well, in that time Colleen (who had NEVER done anything like this before) managed to get a chair, push it over to the cabinet, climb on the chair, climb on the counter top, open the cabinet, reach up to the top shelf, and consume part of a bottle of medicine. This was in the early 80s and before the days of medicine being locked up (and now we can see what that started happening).

A few years later, I was staying with the girls while my sister and BIL were away on a trip. Colleen comes up to me and asks if she can make a phone call. Now Colleen could talk on the phone for quite some time. 99% of the time I'd be like "yeah sure whatever" but I remembered the name. "Isn't that your friend that just moved halfway across the country?? (This was back in the day when people did not have nationwide free calling). Course, I figured out that scam because -- well did I mention that she was a lot like me?

Remember when cell phones were becoming popular and services were offering like 1000 night and weekend minutes for free. I remember doing the math once and figured that you'd have to spend the ENTIRE time of your nights and weekends on the phone to use all the free minutes (which is, of course, why companies are now offering free nights and weekends -- I wasn't the only one doing the math). Someone once asked how it would be possible for anyone to spend that much time on the phone. Must have been someone that never met Colleen. (Did I mention that she was a lot like me?)

Then five years ago she was crossing the street, late at night, and it was dark, and a car did not see her, and a bright light was taken from the world. And it's really not fair when young, healthy people are taken from us.

And we miss her.

A month before she died, Spouse and I filed an application to adopt a child from China. And now Princess is with us. A few days ago I found some empty chocolate wrappers on the ground. I was slightly concerned we have a dog so I called the emergency vet and found that the amount of chocolate would *not* be toxic to an 85 pound dog. Princess insisted that she did *NOT* eat the chocolate.

Next morning Spouse found out what had happened to the chocolate. We had a 15 quart plastic shoebox type container that was about 1/2 filled with styrofoam peanuts. Princess decided that she was going to "make" a concoction of water, packing peanuts, and chocolate. Luckily this was discovered before Princess woke up -- because I have a difficult time talking to children about consequences when I'm laughing my arse off.

Spouse asked "what child would come up with this."

Ah yes, mother knows best and, sooner or later that curse had to come back to bite me on my butt.

(And I just *KNOW* that Colleen wants to make sure that we never forget the likes of her -- so I think somehow she gives Princess these ideas -- just to drive me crazy). (Did I mention she was a lot like me??)

Therapy

I *HATE* February. I've never really been a big fan of February. I remember a very old Garfield strip where Garfield mentions that February sucks because you PAY for a full month of whatever (rent, car lease) but you actually only get 28 days for your value.

I've lived in Illinois all my life, and February is usually that month that's in the middle of winter. Just cold and blah. You're kind of done with the entire "snow is fun" and there's more of a regional attitude of "cold is DONE."

I married my first husband in February (and we can see where that went).

Last year in February my friend's beautiful vibrant healthy daughter died at 29.

5 years ago (tomorrow) in February my beautiful, vibrant, healthy niece died at 21.

Me / February. It's just not a good match.

So I decided I needed some therapy.

Freud's couch

Freud isn't around. If he were he'd be a bit old and out of touch. And he'd probably be really expen$ive.

I decided on a form of therapy that was less expensive and while possibly not as effective it certainly gave me a break from the day to day. Allowed me to talk things out, and warmed up my insides. I needed some soul food.

Not like THIS

But like THIS

So I went to the chocolate lounge, sat on the comfy couch and had a therapy session. (Nice thing about friends, you don't have to pay them to listen to you).

I might not have healed my inner child, found my id (or ego or superego or whatever), or even really improved my outlook on life.

But it helped.

Gung Hay Fat Choy! (Happy New Year)

Today marks the start of the Lunar New Year.



For those that don't know, Spouse's parents are both from China, as is Princess. Yesterday myself, Chip, and Princess went to a Chinese New Year event. The Lion Dance is (of course) the highlight of the event, but playing games (and winning prizes) and doing crafts are also big hits.

According to Chinese Astrology, 2007 is the Year of the Pig, so yesterday's event featured a lot of pig themed stuff. Pig crafts, pig cards, and pig sweatshirts and t-shirts for sale.



But the thing that was really entertaining what that I was able to walk around telling all sorts of people that my mother-in-law is a PIG!!! And it was completely acceptable and not taken as an insult.

(HINT -- don't try this at home -- especially if your mother-in-law is not Chinese).