Butter, Milk, Eggs

12:30 a.m. -- Rambling is mostly asleep -- dreaming lovely dreams (probably about Sven or something). Spouse comes in "Is this Butter?" "The Dog" I'm like -- is there butter ON the dog?? Nope we seem to have an extra dog around. You go out and walk the collie, and come home with a lab???? Anyway it looks sort kind like it might be the neighbor's dog - but neighbor's dog has just graduated from puppyhood to doghood so we weren't quite sure, and let's face it we pretty much don't see the neighbors (or their dogs) during the winter. In my state we hibernate. In addition, Spouse is reading a tag saying it's from Animal Control and I'm pretty sure Butter came from a pet store.

We tried tying up the dog outside our house and figured out that wouldn't work. I mean we might make the neighbor that owns the dog happy by not having the dog get loose and run over by a car -- but the REST of the neighborhood wouldn't get any sleep. So Spouse goes out to tie up lost dog at neighbor's house. While he's out I get a phone call "there's ANOTHER dog out here." I grab an extra lease, but the other dog managed to decide to wander over to the next block through the yards. (I'm not tramping through my neighbor's yards in the middle of the in my jammies). Finally while we have the first dog under the lamp Spouse notices a tag that says 24 pet find (or something) (why he didn't see that the first time ... you know back when the dog was in our WARM house) so we grab the cell phone and call the 888 number. A guy comes on the phone and we read the number off the tag. He says the name of the dog (Turner or something) and the dog belongs to neighbor's last name. I'm like "OH on such and so street?" So I guess Butter had a previous moniker.

So, we took Butter, tied her to a tree outside her home, and figure she can wake the neighbors at THAT end of the street.


I wonder if Sven is still waiting for me back behind my eyelids??

And when I'm dead and gone

I find this interesting. I looked at the quiz a couple of times. One of the items I was unsure about was whether or not I was interesting in skydiving. If I say I am NOT interested in skydiving ....

You'll die from a Heart Attack during Sex.

Your a lover not a fighter but sadly, in the act of making love your heart will stop. But what a way to go.

'How will you die?' at QuizGalaxy.com

HOWEVER -- if I say I *AM* interesting in skydiving ..

You'll die from an Unlikely Illness (like the plague).

You will unfortunately succumb to a random and unlikely disease. Only to find out after death that eating more broccoli would have cured you.

'How will you die?' at QuizGalaxy.com

So I guess if I never get around to going skydiving, I'll die from a heart attack during sex, and if I *DO* go skydiving I'll die from an unlikely illness (I suppose one I contract during my skydiving career - maybe the skydiving instructor has some deadly, highly contagious, rare illness).

And when I die, and when I'm gone, there'll be one child born in our world to carry on to carry on...

This just in -- smoking pot makes you stupid

GENERALLY -- I don't think pot is a bad thing, same with alcohol. There's a way to use things responsibly, and ways to be irresponsible.

What follows is a prime example of being irresponsible.

This is from the Star-Telegram out of Fort Worth, Texas. I'm not naive enough to believe this is the only place something like this can happen.

Teen who taped toddler smoking pot ordered held
By DOMINGO RAMIREZ JR.
STAR-TELEGRAM STAFF WRITER

WATAUGA — The teen accused of videotaping toddlers who were made to smoke marijuana has been ordered to remain in the custody of Tarrant County juvenile authorities.

...

Authorities also have arrested Demetris McCoy, 17, and his friend, Vanswan Polty, 18, both of Fort Worth, on suspicion of providing the pot for the 2- and 4-year-old children during the videotaping. McCoy is the children’s uncle.

Polty and McCoy are each charged with two counts of injury to a child. McCoy was in the Tarrant County Jail on Tuesday, with bail set at $225,000. Polty also was in the Tarrant County Jail, with bail set at $150,000.

The video shows two men who appear to be Polty and McCoy laughing as they light a marijuana cigarette for the children and hold it to their mouths.

The men also ask the children whether they “have the munchies” and call them “potheads.”

The children are seen smoking, coughing and stumbling around, according to the video.

© 2007 Star-Telegram.com and wire service sources. All Rights Reserved.
http://www.dfw.com

Smoking pot while being around little ones is probably not the best idea. Making a VIDEOTAPE however, is just taking the stupidity one giant step further.

Hey - at least it helps with Darwin's theory -- cause the guys that did this will likely get successfully removed from contributing to the gene pool for a few years.



And *NO CREM* you can't use the fact that one of these guys was an uncle to get out of babysitting. (a) I know you wouldn't do that to my kids and (b) my kids are old enough to know better, and to inform me anyway.

Not gonna go there ... nope not me

A bit over a year ago for all basic intents I gave up TV. Occasionally I'll watch something with Spouse, Princess, or Chip and once in a while I'll get a Netflix video out (and take two months to actually watch the thing), but generally I don't catch much TV. Yet somehow, even without my vigilance, Anna Nicole Smith managed to have a funeral. Whodathunkit.

Now I pretty much catch all my news from the Internet. In a way it's a bit of a pain and I miss the comic page but I survive. In a way it's kind of nice too - if something doesn't interest me I can look at the next story, if something does interest me I can look up more about it, and there's no wasted paper.

This brings me to the subject of adultery, specifically *me* cheating on Spouse (it follows -- trust me you'll find out later). Now, over the years (coming up on 14) I have joked, teased, wisecracked, I've flirted, and there are some "hot young studs" that I regularly hug (and sometimes tease and/or flirt with). There's even a couple of specific fellows that I will drool if I start thinking of their powerful hands (on my shoulders). I am lucky enough to know a couple of the best shoulder rubbers in the universe. Oh and then there's the default fantasy guy, Sven. Sven is a figment of the combined imaginations of my mom's group. Sven gives terrific massages don't you know.

Now, I know some folks in open marriages - and I'm sure that's okay for some but it wouldn't work for us for a few reasons.

Probably, the most predominant is that's not the deal we went in with -- I guess we're too "vanilla." But, of course, being somewhat of a comedian I've had to come up with some other reasons.

One of my favorites is that I've got a lot going on, I've got a pretty full schedule with my family, my work, friends, I figure the only way I'd have TIME to fool around would be to cut into my sleep. I ain't cutting into my sleep.

Then one of my staff points out that the overall effects of both sex and sleep are pretty similar so that's not a good enough reason. (We talk about all sorts of things at the tax office -- after all taxes are pretty boring -- gotta have something to amuse ourselves).

TODAY though I found out something that is a deal breaker. There are certain places I'd like to go in my life (I'd love to visit Alaska, Paris, and there's this beach I need to go to with my friend, JK), and there are certain other places I'd like to avoid.

One place I've never been, and really don't want to go is jail. I mean I don't know what it's like but I have a feeling it's not like THIS


with people breaking out into song. I have a hunch it's more like THIS



Now, the Illinois legal code is complex. There is a group of people trying to change that, called Clear Initiative (Criminal Law Edit, Alignment and Reform). This is all well and good (generally speaking), I'm sure that things could be simplified and clarified.

However, in their infinite wisdom and in order to help gain public approval they are planning on keeping some old laws on the books. Here's a quote from today's Chicago Tribune ...

But dodging the political landmines wasn't easy. The commission decided, for example, to retain state laws that criminalize adultery and fornication rather than risk opposition from social conservatives.

That's right -- ravamping the state laws but STILL it will be a CRIME to commit adultery or fornication.

What year is this anyway??????

Oh well, I suppose I can't fool around on Spouse -- think of it -- he won't have to divorce me, he can have me locked up.

I guess I'll just have to wait and find my hot young stud when JK and I go to that beach (which is NOT in Illinois).



(Of course, if I could get jail time with a cellmate that looked like this ....)



I'm just sayin'

Jimmy -- is this what you were thinking???

Jimmy Buffett (musician, philosopher) wrote a song called Love in the Library. Here are some of the lyrics.

Love In The Library
Jimmy Buffett, Mac McAnally

Love in the library, quiet and cool
Love in the library, there are no rules
Surrounded by stories surreal and sublime
I fell in love in the library once upon a time

So today I'm reading a story in the Chicago Tribune ..........


Teen sex in suburban library spurs charges

Tribune staff report
March 1, 2007, 9:06 PM CST

Police credited a staff member for spotting two teenagers having sex in the Woodstock Public Library, authorities said Thursday. Raul A. Tapia, 19, of the 700 block of Oak Street, Woodstock, was charged Monday with criminal sexual abuse for having consensual sex with a 16-year-old girl, a crime punishable by up to a year in jail, police said." The vigilance of the [library] staff led to the arrest," Woodstock Police Sgt. Richard Johns said. Authorities wouldn't say where the alleged incident occurred, other than that it wasn't in a restroom." It was a less-visited area," said Martha Hansen, network administrator for the library. "I can't give any details but it was an extremely isolated incident, and we're confident it won't happen again."
Tapia posted $100 bail.
Copyright © 2007, Chicago Tribune

Obviously Mr. Tapia had not hear another song Jimmy Buffett wrote, called Livingston Saturday Night. There's one pertinent line in that song ........

Fifteen may get you twenty ...

Next time check her ID

And now -- looking at the weather forecast for the next few days I'll leave you with one of my favorite song AND one of my favorite libations ...

Boat Drinks

I know I should be leaving this climate.
I got a verse but can't rhyme it.
I gotta go where it's warm.

Boat drinks.
Waitress, I need two more boat drinks.
Then I'm headin south 'fore my dream shrinks.
I gotta where it's warm.

I gotta go where it's warm.
I gotta go where it's warm.
I gotta go where there ain't any snow,
where there ain't any blow,
'cause my fin sinks so low.
I gotta go where it's warm.


P.S. personal note to Crem -- I'm thinking I'm needing me some lime juice, I'm just sayin'

How do you spell Princess?????

T-R-O-U-B-L-E

I've had many prayers over the years. One thing that I've prayed for over and over is patience.

So I've come to a conclusion about G-d. G-d does not look like

THIS

or THIS

or THIS


NOPE -- G-d looks more like
THIS

or THIS

or THIS


Cause G-d is a comedian -- and honey the joke is on me. Cause I prayed and prayed for patience and I did not get
THIS

but I got THIS


So today is a 1/2 day of school, Princess and Chip are home with Spouse and Princess has already managed to .....

Find some powdered vitamins, find some coffee beans, and find something else. Open all the$e item$, and make some kind of concoction.

The thing is that she gets an idea into her head and then takes it upon herself to get herself into T-R-O-U-B-L-E. And she *knows* she's not supposed to do this stuff, I'm not sure if she conveninetly "forgets" or what. For instance, she's managed to get scissors out and cut her own hair -- more than once. We've told her repeatedly NOT to do that. And I can get this with a toddler (gets bored, gets attention) but she's 5 now. It's GOT to stop sooner or later. Right????

I told Spouse with the amount of trouble she gets herself in, she is never getting an allowance. She's going to owe us money until she's like 80.

Imitation being the most sincere form of flattery

Taken, copied, grabbed from, lovingly lifted from Sock Girl

5 Parenting Observations.

1. If you believe the Old Testament, the first two siblings were Cain and Abel. That's how old sibling rivalry is, and it ain't about to change anytime soon. Leastways not in my house.
2. A sudden, intense interest in homework planning may be a sudden interest in homework planning. But if it's at 10 p.m., it's more likely a diversion to bedtime.
3. If any parent always has enough patience for their children, they are either destined for sainthood or (more likley) on drugs.
4. Housework done incorrectly still blesses your family, Flylady. I don't care if the help ain't up to my standards -- if I get help I ain't turning it down. (This goes for Spouse to).
5. There are days I'd drop them both off on a street corner with a sign saying "free to good home." But honey -- you know I'd be back for them in a minute or two, an hour or two, a day or two, sometime.

As long as I'm typing it anyway .....

Last night my Sunday School class had a progressive dinner. For some reason to date I've never actually been to a progressive dinner. And I really like the concept of going from place to place and eating. Just the way things work.

As is the case with progressive dinners, my dinner went one way, and I went another. Bye bye soup. (Actually I had dropped it at the host home earlier and sent the sides with someone that was going to go)

As we got together at house #3 for dessert (lots of chocolate was involved) I received my near empty crock pot and rave reviews for the soup. And I must admit I was expecting rave reviews from my soup, the recipe has been in my family for generations hours. I got a few requests for recipes and figured that I should type it out right away, before I forget it.

BLACK BEAN SOUP KAIROS STYLE
Serves a small African nation, or a few Methodists

olive oil
salt
pepper
cumin
21 season salute (TJs)
1 onion
½ jar Roasted Red Peppers (TJs)
1 Chipolte in Adobo (1 pepper – not one jar unless you’re brave)
2 cloves garlic
2 cans black beans
3 cans Cuban Style black beans (TJs)
1 large or 2 small cans chopped tomatoes
1 bag frozen fire roasted sweet corn (TJs)
Vegetarian broth (I used Imagine brand) (I used about 1-2 cups)

Saute onion, red peppers, and chipolte in olive oil. Toss in soup pot or crock pot. Add remaining ingredients and heat through, or let simmer. NOTE: when chopping chipolte pepper, don’t touch it with your hands and rub your eyes. I’m just sayin’. I’ll chop the thing without even touching it.

Serve as is or with sour cream, rice, and/or andouille sausage.

Chessnuts -- and chess moms

When Chip was 3, we were watching the movie A Bug's Life. There was a short before the movie, called Geri's Game about a guy that plays chess with himself.

Chip insisted he wanted to learn that, so I taught him to play checkers. He didn't mean checkers. He meant chess. So Spouse taught him to play chess, and he took to it like only a person ruled by the left side of their brain can.

Meanwhile, the wonderful preschool program he was in shut down, so we spent time hanging out with a homeschooling group that had a chess club.

Also, meanwhile Chip was one of the last of his peers to get fully potty trained. This was not unheard of for active, hyperfocused boys. I realized how peculiar this was the day that I showed up at chess club, with a diaper bad. It was just odd.

Anyway time went on and when Chip was in Kindergarten we started the chess tournament circuit. In our chess activities we have had some great travels and met some really wonderful people. I'm glad for almost every minute of it (except some of the uncomfortable benches at some of the tournaments). I've commented I've been really glad that my child chose an activity that does *NOT* involve me sitting on a blanket in the cold and rain. Indoor activity has advantages.

Since Kindergarten we have been suggesting that there might be interest in a chess club at Chip's school. I mentioned this in this posting from November.We've heard some interesting reasons for not having one over the years.

In parallel to this, in our town, USA, chess has been becoming more prevalent, and a few of the other grade school have chess teams. At one school in particular there is a very active chess program, and they have held quite a few tournaments this year.

Chip is not one to let sleeping dogs lay (unlike his Uncle Crem - private joke) so this year he started bugging some of his friends to join him in the tournament circuit. Earlier this year he and some of his friends went to a local tournament and came home with some hardware -- a first place trophy.

Which technically belongs to the school -- since it's a "team trophy"

We went one morning and presented this to the school, and I like to think this might have had a bit of an effect as ...

In the recent school newlestter there was an announcement that the school is

FINALLY

starting a chess club.

It will be starting after spring break, and will be an (ugh) before school activity.

And just a reminder to all you moms out there.

THE QUEEN RULES!!! Makes sense on the chess board, makes sense in my life.

There goes my tbird

A few years ago my sister had a birthday and reached a new "decade." In honour of this auspicious occasion, she got a new car. Not this car exactly -- but this year and model.



Her tbird is the color "Merlot" (so she calls it "Marilyn Merlot" - I did mention that insanity runs in my family).

Anyway, this year I get to hit a new "decade" (not until October) and I spun this well when I told Spouse what I wanted for my birthday. First I reminded him that Marilyn was a birthday present. With that in mind, my present isn't really all that expen$ive now, is it?? Anyway I don't actually get to cash in my present until December when we go to the Shubert LaSalle Bank Theater to see ...



Okay -- so I don't get the tbird -- I only get tickets to a show but ain't nothing I can do about it because, as we all know (cue music) "Big Girls Don't Cry" But this big girl is going to be singing and dancing and having a grand time the whole night.

If at first you don't succeed

If at first you don't succeed, try try again.

Some believe in reincarnation. I'm not sure about "what comes next" after death but have, in my (many many) years on the planet given in some deep, and some not so deep, thought.

One thing I've often said is that when I come back I want to be a house cat. Think about the life of a cat, eat, sleep, nap, repeat. Not a bad gig if I do say so myself. That would have been my choice until yesterday.

Crem set up a web cam so he could watch his dog while at work (or for some reason - who really knows why). Anyway I was watching SASTV (SAS -- short for "short attention span") and here's what I saw this morning.

Dog sleeping on one side of the couch.

Dog moves to other side of couch, sleeps some more.

Dog moves back to other side of couch and cleans paws.

Dog sleeps some more.

And, unlike a cat I wouldn't be expected to eat the occasional mouse that runs by, and unlike a family dog there'd be no kids to pull my tail.

I either need a life like that, or maybe the sloth that the Jena University researchers were studying.

I think I'm needing some time for some rest and relaxation meditative contemplation.

Hair today -- gone tomorrow ....

Back in the old, cold days of January, I wrote in things you might not know that I wanted to grow my hair out to donate for Locks of Love.

Well, I guess my hair must be reading my blog because it finally cooperated.

So now I have a new, short do (however, I do not yet have a picture of myself in the new short do).

I've had interesting reactions.

Chip and Princess both said I look like my sister.

Spouse (and a few other people) said I look younger.

Actually -- if you take those two statements together it's interesting because basically I could be looking "younger," just like my "older" sister.

LOTS of folks said I did and great and wonderful thing. (Let's see, getting too lazy to go get a haircut for a few years -- SUCH a generous spirit I am).

Crem, my best and dearest friend on the planet, said -- well pretty much nothing. He's SUCH a guy. (His talkative, complimentary nature might go a long way toward explaining why he's a such SINGLE guy -- bises Crem -- you know I love you).

When it comes to personal care, I believe in taking care of the basics (you know, brush teeth, shower, put on moisturizer) but I don't go much more than that. And when it comes to my hair I'm pretty much the same way. My hairdresser knows this and has always styled my hair accordingly (wash, brush, GOOOOOOOOOO).

Of course, at this time of year, and in this weather, I pretty much have to use a blow dryer in the morning (I tend to do that if the thermometer is below 0 -- Fahrenheit that it). But this is great -- out of the shower at 7 -- hair dry at 7:05.

Yeah -- I'm such a generous spirit. (Lazy bum more like it).

Clean it okay .....

Client came in today and told me about something that happened to one of his coworkers (who has two kids).

Drive careful .....

If you drive something that has a tall, flat top -- CLEAN IT OFF!!!

I'm just sayin'


Chunk of ice is blamed for death of motorist


February 22, 2007 BARTLETT -- A 51-year-old Bartlett man was killed Tuesday afternoon when he was struck by a chunk of frozen mud and debris that fell off a truck and crashed through the roof of his car, police said.The accident occurred about 12:30 p.m. at Illinois Highway 59 and Pebble Beach Lane in the northwest suburb, Bartlett Police Cmdr. Patrick Ullrich said.The victim, whose name was not immediately released, was northbound on Illinois 59 in his 1999 Pontiac Grand Am when the piece of debris fell off a truck ahead of him and came through the roof of the car, Ullrich said."It was a large frozen chunk of mud and dirt," Ullrich said. "We think it came off of some type of large dump truck."The victim was alone in his car, Ullrich said. After the debris struck him, the Pontiac continued north for about two blocks and crashed into a landscaped area on the side of the road near Baytree Drive.The man was pronounced dead at the scene at 1:05 p.m., according to a spokesman for the Cook County medical examiner's office. An autopsy was scheduled for Thursday.Ullrich said the truck did not stop at the scene, but police do not believe the truck driver was trying to flee.Police were asking anyone who saw the truck or have information on the accident to call Bartlett detectives at 630-837-0846.
Copyright © 2007, Chicago Tribune

HEY HEY HEY - IT'S FAT (Tuesday)

A long time ago (in a galaxy far far away) I used to LOVE Fat Tuesday. This was before I got into the tax business. I LOVE holidays that involve nothing more than celebration and over consumption. I mean really, where's the downside? Lately I haven't had a chance to do the cooking I love to do for the holiday. But I'm wondering if I've missed out on a few things.

For instance, the day before Fat Tuesday (Chubby Monday?) I was at a local grocery store where there was a sign reminding us to get our "Fat Tuesday Brownies." Now, personally I don't recall brownies ever being a traditional "Fat Tuesday" food. Personally I'd like some red beans & rice and some BBQ shrimp (I think I need to make that soon - I promise if I posted the recipe your arteries would clog while reading the recipe - my kinda food) maybe a bit of bread pudding ... a hurricane (or two or three) .

And last week at church there was a sign up for a Fat Tuesday dinner party featuring .....

Lasagna??????????

A Fat Tuesday food??????

I thought about it for a minute or two. I mean on the one hand lasagna is not what I consider a Fat Tuesday food.

On the OTHER hand -- someone else is cooking!!!!! WHOOPIE

So I signed up my family and we went. I was pretty surprised at the number of cars in the parking area and on the streets until I remembered we ARE Methodists and there WAS food in a church basement so we were out en masse. (That's "en masse" not "in Mass," we're not Catholic after all).

Anyway - at each place there was a card where you could write something that you would "give up" for Lent or some good deed you could do.

Princess had the brilliant idea that we could give money to the poor. Not a bad idea but since she doesn't even earn an allowance I wanted some effort on her part, so she needs to start turning off the TV and lights so we can save money (to give to the poor). And if over the next 40 days the habit of actually turning off lights and TV and such happens to form that will save us quite a pretty penny.

I suggested that Chip could "give up" fighting with his sister. He figured that 40 days would be far too long for that. But he did say that he is going to start taking care of the dog. I reminded him that means he does it the first time we ask. (I did overhear another family suggesting that siblings give up fighting -- amazingly it's not a popular option.

I won't say what Spouse wrote down. But if he succeeds I will believe that divine intervention was involved, as I can't believe he can do it on his own.

I won't say what I wrote down either but I will say that I came up with a great secondary idea. I'm going to spend more time hugging good looking men. AH how I suffer. And amazingly I didn't find a single guy at church to argue with me.

Was it yesterday -- or was it a lifetime???

Five years ago today, the world shifted drastically off the axis, and completely changed the landscape of the earth. Or at least that's the way things seemed on Planet Minivan.

I would say that there is about a 99.987% chance that, at some point in time, your mother told you "I HOPE YOU HAVE CHILDREN JUST LIKE YOU." Pretty much all mothers make that statement, or some version of that statement. When I was a child I was somewhat less than perfect (I know it comes as a surprise), and my mother often made statements with that general sentiment.

And then, in 1980, my sister's second daughter was born and somehow there was some weird kind of ricochet effect and my sister gave birth to an imp. (In other words, personality wise, my sister's dd2 was a heck of a lot less like her than she was like me -- I have apologized for this).

A couple of Colleen stories for the day.

When she was about 3, my sister decided to take a shower. How long does that take??? 10 minutes? Well, in that time Colleen (who had NEVER done anything like this before) managed to get a chair, push it over to the cabinet, climb on the chair, climb on the counter top, open the cabinet, reach up to the top shelf, and consume part of a bottle of medicine. This was in the early 80s and before the days of medicine being locked up (and now we can see what that started happening).

A few years later, I was staying with the girls while my sister and BIL were away on a trip. Colleen comes up to me and asks if she can make a phone call. Now Colleen could talk on the phone for quite some time. 99% of the time I'd be like "yeah sure whatever" but I remembered the name. "Isn't that your friend that just moved halfway across the country?? (This was back in the day when people did not have nationwide free calling). Course, I figured out that scam because -- well did I mention that she was a lot like me?

Remember when cell phones were becoming popular and services were offering like 1000 night and weekend minutes for free. I remember doing the math once and figured that you'd have to spend the ENTIRE time of your nights and weekends on the phone to use all the free minutes (which is, of course, why companies are now offering free nights and weekends -- I wasn't the only one doing the math). Someone once asked how it would be possible for anyone to spend that much time on the phone. Must have been someone that never met Colleen. (Did I mention that she was a lot like me?)

Then five years ago she was crossing the street, late at night, and it was dark, and a car did not see her, and a bright light was taken from the world. And it's really not fair when young, healthy people are taken from us.

And we miss her.

A month before she died, Spouse and I filed an application to adopt a child from China. And now Princess is with us. A few days ago I found some empty chocolate wrappers on the ground. I was slightly concerned we have a dog so I called the emergency vet and found that the amount of chocolate would *not* be toxic to an 85 pound dog. Princess insisted that she did *NOT* eat the chocolate.

Next morning Spouse found out what had happened to the chocolate. We had a 15 quart plastic shoebox type container that was about 1/2 filled with styrofoam peanuts. Princess decided that she was going to "make" a concoction of water, packing peanuts, and chocolate. Luckily this was discovered before Princess woke up -- because I have a difficult time talking to children about consequences when I'm laughing my arse off.

Spouse asked "what child would come up with this."

Ah yes, mother knows best and, sooner or later that curse had to come back to bite me on my butt.

(And I just *KNOW* that Colleen wants to make sure that we never forget the likes of her -- so I think somehow she gives Princess these ideas -- just to drive me crazy). (Did I mention she was a lot like me??)

Therapy

I *HATE* February. I've never really been a big fan of February. I remember a very old Garfield strip where Garfield mentions that February sucks because you PAY for a full month of whatever (rent, car lease) but you actually only get 28 days for your value.

I've lived in Illinois all my life, and February is usually that month that's in the middle of winter. Just cold and blah. You're kind of done with the entire "snow is fun" and there's more of a regional attitude of "cold is DONE."

I married my first husband in February (and we can see where that went).

Last year in February my friend's beautiful vibrant healthy daughter died at 29.

5 years ago (tomorrow) in February my beautiful, vibrant, healthy niece died at 21.

Me / February. It's just not a good match.

So I decided I needed some therapy.

Freud's couch

Freud isn't around. If he were he'd be a bit old and out of touch. And he'd probably be really expen$ive.

I decided on a form of therapy that was less expensive and while possibly not as effective it certainly gave me a break from the day to day. Allowed me to talk things out, and warmed up my insides. I needed some soul food.

Not like THIS

But like THIS

So I went to the chocolate lounge, sat on the comfy couch and had a therapy session. (Nice thing about friends, you don't have to pay them to listen to you).

I might not have healed my inner child, found my id (or ego or superego or whatever), or even really improved my outlook on life.

But it helped.

Gung Hay Fat Choy! (Happy New Year)

Today marks the start of the Lunar New Year.



For those that don't know, Spouse's parents are both from China, as is Princess. Yesterday myself, Chip, and Princess went to a Chinese New Year event. The Lion Dance is (of course) the highlight of the event, but playing games (and winning prizes) and doing crafts are also big hits.

According to Chinese Astrology, 2007 is the Year of the Pig, so yesterday's event featured a lot of pig themed stuff. Pig crafts, pig cards, and pig sweatshirts and t-shirts for sale.



But the thing that was really entertaining what that I was able to walk around telling all sorts of people that my mother-in-law is a PIG!!! And it was completely acceptable and not taken as an insult.

(HINT -- don't try this at home -- especially if your mother-in-law is not Chinese).

What could possibly go wrong???

Elephant Polo

What could POSSIBLY go wrong??

Sunshine

I've been thinking about Erin a lot the past couple of days. It's been one year today since she died (at 29).

I do not believe that anyone ever had the audacity to tell me that life was fair (and if anyone did I should have hit them upside the head with a jackhammer). It isn't, and sometimes it sucks. One thing that really sucks is when a vibrant, young, hopeful, promising person is taken from us before we're ready to let go. For all I know (and I do believe) Erin is in a much better place. I don't believe that makes anyone miss her any less.

I first met Erin about 20 years ago. I was friends with her mom, and met Erin and her sister Katie. At the time I lived about 3 hours drive away from my two nieces so I sort of unofficially adopted the girls as my pseudo nieces. Charming girls. One thing I did for them (which I had forgotten until Erin reminded me a couple of years ago) was I would buy them books for every "A" they got on their report cards (Katie got more books than Erin) I watched both girls grow from charming innocent little girls, to normal teenagers.

Erin had her mom's looks and her dad's personality (the angel and the devil). She "grew up" and moved away, eventually her mom moved and I also moved. (Some people do get thrown from the vortex that is Champaign-Urbana). A few years ago I was in Kansas City on business for a few days, and in the evenings instead of doing the touristy thing with the people that were at my meetings (going to a Kansas City Royals baseball game) I rode shotgun on my friend Sarah's life. (How often, when you're visting another town, do you go to an open house, at the high school, in the classroom where the pregnant teens take childbirth and parenting classes. I don't believe I've ever seen that listed on a tour of ANY town I've ever visited). After hanging around for a while Sarah and I went to visit her oldest daughter at the Spanish restaurant where Erin was a waitress. We got there after the shift was about done, and only had some nosh and a bit of sangria. But it was great to visit Erin and see the lovely adult that she had become. Somehow when I think of her as an adult I always think of really BIG nature. I know she loved the area around Santa Fe, and I know she loved the Pacific Northwest.

Erin honey I don't know where you are, but I'm sure it's a much brighter place with your presence.

Love, your "other" Auntie M

Happy Valentine's Day

A poem for you - for Valentine's Day.

By Dorothy Parker.

One Perfect Rose

A single flower he sent me, since we met.
All tenderly his messenger he chose;
Deep-hearted, pure, with scented dew still wet--
One perfect rose.

I knew the language of the floweret;
"My fragile leaves," it said, "his heart enclose."
Love long has taken for his amulet
One perfect rose.



Why is it no one ever sent me yet
One perfect limousine, do you suppose?
Ah no, it's always just my luck to get
One perfect rose.

Food for thought -- 2008

I was listening to
The Tavis Smiley Show today from Public Radio International. The candidacy of Sen. Barack Obama of Illinois was discussed. I met Spouse and Princess for lunch, and I was just sort of wondering what difference it makes to the people of a state if "their" candidate becomes President. Spouse pointed out then every time candidate comes "home" it makes a mess (think motorcades on the Kennedy Expressway -- do we really need that).

And then we started talking about the press corp following Mr. President around.

Back in the day - heading out to visit the Kennedys at Hyannisport didn't seem such a bad trip



And going to Kennebunkport to visit George H.W. Bush wasn't a bad place to visit.



But something tells me that Chicago's south shore would be missing some of the charisma of the above.



I wonder if the press ever takes things like this into consideration when making endorsements?????

I guess I'm not really all that

This morning I was out shoveling snow. I had fuzzybutt with me off leash (as the tie out was buried under the snow that I was shoveling).

I was out there for about 15 minutes and he was doing absolutely fine hanging out close to me. Not in the way, but still on our turf. All was well until .....

Trackchick came out from next door. Trackchick is in 5th grade and in addition to having her backpack, she had her lunchbox. Trackchick starts heading to the bus with Fuzzybutt following close behind. I managed to get him back but then, a little while later Trackchick backtracked home because she had forgotten her Valentines. So now Trackchick is heading out not only with lunch but also with snacks. Fuzzy had no chance at this point it time. He was off to the bus. Luckily Cowtipper was out and wasn't going to let Fuzzybutt get past her so eventually I got him by the collar and dragged him home.

I might be able to take priority over a kid, or a neighbor, or even lunch, but NOT Valentine Treats.

Happy Valentine's day to all. May your love not run away from you.

Heartbreak and devastation...

This morning, I had to be the bearer of bad news for Chip. As he woke up at 8:00 this morning (wondering why on earth he wasn't woken up at 7:15) I had to tell him that there was no school due to a snow day. He was devastated. He tried to hide his disappointment by jumping and cheering, but I was not fooled.



I think he'll survive though.

PRETTY BLING

I'm not one for jewelry -- for instance, at this moment I have *NO* jewelry on -- sometimes I wear a claddagh that doubles as a wedding band. I have had pierced ears in the past but I'm pretty sure that my ears have closed up since it's been so long since I've worn earrings.

NOTE -- I'm not saying that there's anything wrong with people liking jewelry -- I'm just not a really a jewelry person.

But today -- while I was looking at some other stuff ...

A Christie's employee displays an important fancy intense purple cushion-shaped pink diamond ring, weighing 7.50 carats during a press preview in Geneva, Switzerland, February 12, 2007. Fancy intense purple cushion-shaped pink
diamond ring is estimated to sell 2,500,000-3,000,000 US dollars.

As Keats said -- A thing of beauty is a joy forever.

A few questions remain

Ran across an article on Reuters. I'll put the link here, but I've got some excerpts below:

Some advice to take to heart -- take a nap
Tue Feb 13, 2007 9:07 AM
ET CHICAGO, Feb 12 (Reuters Life!) -
Regular naps are good for your heart,researchers said on Monday. A six-year study of nearly 24,000 Greek adults found those who regularly took midday naps lowered their risk of dying from heart disease by more than a third.
...

The same conclusion could not be made for working women because of a limited number of subjects.

I suppose they couldn't find any women with time to take a nap??

Unlike previous studies that have produced mixed findings on the heart benefits of napping, this study controlled for the effect from smoking, diet and exercise.

© Reuters 2007.

A few questions remain ...

Why couldn't they find enough women subjects? I mean seriously someone calls me up and says "we need to do a study on naps and we need you to take a nap 3 days a week" I'd be on that like white on rice honey. (We must all do our part to further scientific study)

Also - are people that take naps less likely to have heart problems? OR are people that are more likely to take naps less likely to have heart problems. (If you're the type that will take a time out, maybe you're less likely to get overstressed).

I've done some thinking about this, and I've come to a conclusion. This merits further contemplation on my part -- and I'll do that. Just after my nap.

z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z

just in case you were wondering

You know -- on the off chance that anyone is reading this and thinking "HEY that R.M. is one heck of a person - I think I ought to do something nice for her" ...

you can see it more clearly here.

I wouldn't complain -- I'm just saying.

A unique decor idea

You know what I love about the Internet? You never know WHAT you'll run across. For instance, we're thinking of redoing some of the flooring in our home, but I don't think we'll go for this ...

It's the floor of a museum -- in India. Oh yeah -- in case you're wondering YES, those ARE sperm on the floor.

Sex museum makes HIV lessons fun

Fri Feb 9, 2007 3:32 PM ET
By Krittivas Mukherjee
MUMBAI, Feb 9 (Reuters Life!) - This is India's version of sex in the city.
A rare sex museum in Mumbai, the country's teeming financial capital, is drawing hundreds of prostitutes and their regular clients who say they learn more about HIV/AIDS from its graphic exhibits than staid lectures on safe sex.
Antarang, which means intimate in Hindi, is a one-room exhibition of nude statues, models of the human anatomy and illustrations near a well-known red light district in Mumbai. And it is India's only sex museum, according to its management.
Devoid of the glamour of sex museums of Amsterdam or New York, Antarang greets a visitor with a "lingam," a Hindu phallic-shaped symbol worshipped as one of the representations of Lord Shiva, Kama Sutra verses and wooden and plastic models showing the act of conception, child birth as well as descriptions of various sexual diseases.
"A sex museum is a better place to learn about sex and everything related to it," M.G. Vallecha, the chief of Antarang, entry to which is free, told Reuters.
The museum is run by the state government in an effort to combat HIV and AIDS in India. There are an estimated 5.7 million people infected with HIV, more than any other country, according to U.N. figures.
Experts say that number could quadruple by 2010 as many people are still reluctant to discuss safe sex openly.
Authorities all over India try various innovative ways, including street plays and "condom parties," to spread awareness about sexual diseases.
Mumbai is not only India's biggest and most cosmopolitan city, but it is also home to millions of migrants who leave their families in villages to search for jobs.
NO CONDOM, NO SEX
Antarang, whose floor tiles are painted to look like sperm, was opened in 2003. It became popular among prostitutes and some of their clients after health workers began taking them there.
"A major bulk of our thousands of visitors every year are sex workers and health volunteers," Vallecha said.
Some sex seekers also visit. In India, many prostitutes act as mistresses for one regular client who pays for her upkeep. They can often develop close relationships and sometimes visit the museum together, officials said.
"At first, sex workers coming to the museum are shy. But slowly they discover new things about something they thought they knew all about," said Manish Pawar, a health worker who has brought hundreds of prostitutes and their clients to the museum.
Many of the sex workers say the museum has changed their lives by teaching them about the need for safe sex.
"When they told us about AIDS and all we didn't understand much, but now after visiting the museum it is much clearer to us," said Jyoti, a middle-aged prostitute who gave only one name.
"Now we tell clients no condom -- no sex."
Authorities said they have few ordinary tourists.
"The area where the museum is located is stigmatized and even if they (tourists) want to come they don't because they don't want to be seen in a red light district," said Nirupa Borges, who helps run Antarang.
"We have some school and college students, but we would like more members of the mainstream society."
Authorities are planning to open another sex museum in a northern suburb, away from the red light district, to attract a wider audience.
"This museum is serving its purpose very well. We need more sex museums like this," Borges said.
© Reuters 2007. All rights reserved. Republication or redistribution of Reuters content, including by caching, framing or similar means, is expressly prohibited without the prior written consent of Reuters. Reuters and the Reuters sphere logo are registered trademarks and trademarks of the Reuters group of companies around the world.

Public Service Announcement

I've been inspired by Sock Girl's cheering up to do a public service announcement.

This is a WONDERFUL program called Cell Phones for Soldiers.

You can click on the link to find out more (MUCH MORE) about the program but in a nutshell .......

CPFS was founded by (then) tweens (now teens) Brittany and Robbie Bergquist in 2004. What they do is gather old cell phones, sell them, take the cash, and get prepaid calling cards for soldiers overseas. (They also take print cartridges). I believe that it averages about 100 minutes of calling time for each cell phone donated.

So -- if you happen to have an old cell phone sitting around and want to get rid of it -- you can check for drop off sites at this link.

Sometimes hearing a friendly voice can do a lot to make a person feel better.

And hey -- if you don't happen to have an old cell phone hanging around, call a friend today -- I'm sure you know someone that can use a friendly voice. (that number again -- 1-800-555-ramblin)

I'll never know

I ran across an add for a way to find out who my love soul mate is. I followed the link only to discover that I would need to have the information sent to my cell phone.

As I'd already gotten burned once on charges on messages sent to my cell phone, I decided to decline this once in a lifetime offer.

I guess I'll never find out who my love soul mate is.

Perhaps it's him (after all, I married him)

Or maybe him (hey a guy in chains and a loincloth??)

Or this fellow (hmmm I seem to like em all tied up).

Maybe this guy (he likes to keep my lap warm warm)

Or maybe this handsome fellow (he loves to jump on me and lick me behind the ear)

And here we have a two-fer -- a handsome prince (albeit a young handsome prince but hey it's Chip so I think he's a cutie) AND a frog (goodness knows -- I've kissed a lot of them.

Ah well -- I'll never know so I'll just love all my fellows

(cue Beatles music)

All you need is love,
All you need is love,
All you need is love, love
Love is all you need.

What's your theme song

I was reading Real Simple magazine and there was an article on your theme song. It's described as the song that makes you feel up and powerful and ready to take over the world. It really made a lot of sense - if you're going on a job interview or out to make a sale or whatever it would make you feel invincible.

SOME examples from the article

I'm the Greatest Star, Barbara Streisand, (from Funny Girl)

I Will Survive, Gloria Gaynor

My Sharona, The Knack

The Bitch is Back, Elton John

Too Many Fish in the Sea, Marvelettes

So I was just thinking about this (while reading this) and I came up with

Razzle Dazzle, London Cast Recording, (Long as you keep em way off balance how can they spot you got no talents)

On the one hand, I'm tempted to wonder twice about myself and my emotional security and such if I'm empowered by a song about faking it.

On the other hand there are

70

days left until April 16

So I'm just going to Razzle Dazzle for a couple of months, and THEN stop and think about life and philosophy and love and whatever.

And they say honesty is the best policy

THIS is what happens when I answer a test honestly -- (shhh don't tell my clients I'm careless and disorganized)

My Personality

Neuroticism	55
Extraversion	28
Openness To Experience	76
Agreeableness	43
Conscientiousness	0

You are introverted, reserved, and quiet with a preference for solitude and solitary activities. Your socializing tends to be restricted to a few close friends. Stressful and frustrating situations can often be upsetting to you, but you are sometimes able to get over these feelings and cope with these situations. Novelty, variety, and change spice up your life and make you a curious, imaginative, and creative person. You have some concern with others' needs, and are generally pleasant, sympathetic, and cooperative. You like to live for the moment and do what feels good now. Your work tends to be careless and disorganized.

Test Yourself Compare Yourself View Full Report Browse 1000s of the most popular myspace layouts or create your own layout.

slow and easy

I need to find a job like that -- someplace where I can do nothing, and keep a job for 3 years.

Mats the Malingering Sloth Fired for Dozing on the Job

Scientists at Jena University have given up trying to get a sloth to move. After three years of hard work, Mats' indolence has proved infectious and they've all decided the experiment is just too much effort.

"We even tried feeding him pasta and boiled eggs," despaired John Nyakatura from the Institute for Systematic Zoology and Evolutionary Biology in Jena. "Most sloths would have considered that a real treat and might have actually roused themselves to go for it."

But not Mats. Supposed to be taking part in an experiment in animal movement, he was the sort of deadbeat colleague nobody wants. For years, he refused to pull his weight.

"He was very uncooperative," said Nyakatura.

Unmoved

A sloth by name and nature, Mats couldn't be persuaded to stir, and consistently refused to climb up and down a pole.

"Sloths use their claws to hang from a branch and then move down it headfirst," said Nyakatura. "It's a very rare phenomenon in the animal world."

But perhaps not surprisingly, Mats proved to be a bit of a shirker. He obviously had more interesting things to do -- such as nothing.

"He wasn't remotely interested in furthering science,'' said Axel Burchardt, a university spokesman.

All too much hassle

Banished in disgrace to a zoo in Duisburg, he's no doubt hoping that everyone will just leave him alone.

But unfortunately for Mats, the zoo is apparently expecting him to reproduce. Judging by his performance so far, his keepers better prepare for a disappointment.

He needs to find the sloth equivalent of a Pointer Sister ....

I want a man with a slow hand .....